funny quotes jokes

I sit in my garden, gazing upon a beauty that cannot gaze upon itself. And I find sufficient purpose for my day. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. ~Bill Maher



A religion without the element of mystery would not be a religion at all. ~Edwin Lewis



Prize fighters can sometimes read and write when they start - but they can't when they finish. ~Martin H. Fischer



What a pity that the only way to heaven is in a hearse. ~Stanislaw J. Lec



Faith makes the discords of the present the harmonies of the future. ~Robert Collyer



Hockey is figure skating in a war zone. ~Author Unknown



A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. Author Unknown



What is told in the ear of a man is often heard 100 miles away. ~Chinese Proverb



The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. ~G.K. Chesterton



Are you not ashamed of heaping up the greatest amount of money and honour and reputation, and caring so little about wisdom and truth and the greatest improvement of the soul? ~Socrates



Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled "This could change your life." ~Helen Exley



If history were a photograph of the past it would be flat and uninspiring. Happily, it is a painting; and, like all works of art, it fails of the highest truth unless imagination and ideas are mixed with the paints. ~Allen Nevins



Mankind have banned the Divinity from their presence; they have relegated him to a sanctuary; the walls of the temple restrict his view; he does not exist outside of it. ~Diderot, Pensees philosophiques, 1746



The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself. Of course he wants care and shelter. You don't buy love for nothing. Like all pure creatures, cats are practical. ~William S. Burroughs



User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." ~Dave Barry



Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else? ~Betsy Canas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com



It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. ~Oscar Wilde



The triumph of machine over people. ~Fred Allen, about television



Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American Eagle, it observes only the rear end of an ostrich. ~H.G. Wells