quotes to live by funny

I don't think I've ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before before. ~From the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1961, screenplay by George Axelrod, based on the novella by Truman Capote, spoken by the character Paul Varjak



If you are not as close to God as you used to be, who moved? ~Author Unknown



Why march to the beat of your own drummer when you can skip? ~Dave May, as posted on iskip.com



The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them. ~Stephen King



It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. ~Author Unknown



I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~Colonel Potter, "Identity Crisis," original airdate 2 November 1981, written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, directed by David Ogden Stiers



Do you think dyslexic people have difficulty dancing to "Y.M.C.A."? ~Dave Sokolowski



I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. ~Steven Wright



What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace. ~Agnes M. Pahro



God gave the angels wings, and he gave humans chocolate. ~Author Unknown



When some high-sounding institute states that a compound is harmless or a process free of risk, it is wise to know whence the institute or the scientists who work there obtain their financial support. ~Lancet, editorial on the "medical-industrial complex," 1973



Even our misfortunes are a part of our belongings. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Night Flight, 1931, translated from French by Stuart Gilbert



To force a man to pay for the violation of his own liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury. ~Benjamin Tucker, Instead of a Book



Children are contemptuous, haughty, irritable, envious, sneaky, selfish, lazy, flighty, timid, liars and hypocrites, quick to laugh and cry, extreme in expressing joy and sorrow, especially about trifles, they'll do anything to avoid pain but they enjoy inflicting it: little men already. ~Jean de La Bruyere, Les Caracteres, 1688



A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. ~Author Unknown



A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark. ~Henry Louis Mencken



The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. ~Author Unknown



It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams



It is easy to get a thousand prescriptions but hard to get one single remedy. ~Chinese Proverb



You purchase pain with all that joy can give, and die of nothing but a rage to live. ~Alexander Pope